Well weren’t we all glad that we drove up there Saturday and stayed in a hotel? I know I was. Not having to get up at the crack of dawn the day of the tournament is a gift to put Santa to shame. After nearly being forced to begin sparring early with Simon during the Pompey Man U game, we climbed aboard the coach and set off for Cambridge. The journey was long and arduous, but many thanks to Scott for bringing along his PSP and providing vital hours of entertainment kicking arse - well, getting our arses kicked - on Tekken. After getting pretty lost, and laughing at Colin’s lack of communication skills over the phone (Steven G. Thomas!) we were given an escort to the weigh-in by a bullet-proof Lexus owned by the local KGB faction.
Weigh-in went as expected: Simon was still fat and Feliciano was still made of feathers. Then it was grub-time! Lee performed some off-road manoeuvres to get us a parking space, and we strolled to the local complex. All-you-can eat Chinese buffet was tempting, but unwise, and Nando’s only had one chicken to offer the fourteen of us, so to Pizza Hutt we went, much to the disapproval of the staff eagerly awaiting the end of their shift.
The Travel Inn thingy was comfy, if a little snug. Mental note to self; never share a bed with Colin again. It ain’t his snoring you have to watch out for, but his orgasmic moaning. After a long night of little sleep, morning came. And we were once more back on the coach.
The hall was surprisingly small, with very little room around the edge of the rings which led to many obstructions to the videoing. The tournament itself had no Poomsae, and no kids, so for the first time in Taekwondo history, we had sparring in the morning!
Sam was up first, facing a beefy green tag, and I think for the first time ever, Sam didn’t dick all over her opponent. The other girl was just too big, and wasn’t going to go down easily. Our guaranteed gold-medallist was defeated in the first round, much to our surprise, and her disappointment. And without Nathan (our male guaranteed gold) competing due to a self-inflicted ankle injury, we were at a loss for who to turn to for inspiration.
Up to the plate stepped Ed Oppong, the beloved Mr. Echo, and we had a new champion. Ed made easy work of his opponent with his new found favourite chop-kick, and early in the second round he was seven points clear and voted unanimously the victor. Hell yeah!
Apologies if I get the fights in the wrong order, there were just too many. Also making an early start to the day was Reuben. If we were impressed last time, we were amazed this time! For someone who only began training with us this year, Reuben fights as well as any of us. His movement was much better, and his back kick especially was dangerous. The fight was close, and without electronic scoring we had no idea who was winning, but valiant Reuben came out on top and proceeded to the next round.
Our other early starter was Luke, the demise of Colin at Basingstoke, but now fattened up and in the next weight category up. The only word I can think of to describe Luke’s opponent is dickhead. He seemed like an arrogant twat who thought he had it in the bag, and really didn’t like it when Luke scored against him. Luke pulled out some clean hits, especially a beautifully executed sidekick that I do believe caught the guy right in the face. Looked like it from behind anyway. After that the guy was pretty pissed off, and threw everything at Luke, and the end of the fight yet again brought a little uncertainty amongst the ranks. But Luke was voted the winner, and went through to the next round. Only then did we realise that he’d be fighting Ed. But there were a few hours to prepare.
I was up next, and having not competed since the Dorset Open, was bricking myself. My opponent was roughly my height, for once, and it was a fairly even match. My game plan went out the window and I didn’t pull off any of the spectacular kicks I had in mind, but I picked my shots and ultimately scored a few more points than the other guy, whilst being kicked in the balls about five times! Thank God for groin guards! And through to the next round I went.
I think Shu was up next. She wasn’t far off anyway. This was the match we’d all been waiting for, after seeing, and occasionally experiencing, what she could do. With kicks more powerful than Alex’s, and faster than a bullet from a gun, I felt this would be a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it fight. To a certain extent, it was, but not as we’d expected it. The little Chinese first dan Shu was up against matched her for speed easily, and pulled out some great combos and was soon racking up the points. Shu fought back well, but she just let her opponent score a few too many easy points, and it wasn’t long before she found herself at the wrong end of a seven point deficit.
I’m gonna put Reuben’s second fight next. He went out and carried on from where he’d left off. His back kicks again were phenomenal, but this time his opponent was just that little bit quick for him, and was able to dive in and score some unguarded points and few too many times. It was still a close contest, and once again we had no idea which way it was going to go, but Reuben was declared the loser, and earned himself a well-deserved bronze medal.
And so, the time for the Portsmouth Uni showdown had arrived. After a few hours of silent meditation, Luke and Ed stepped into the ring with strict orders to play nice. Luke had the benefit of knowing exactly what Ed’s all about, and knew he had to wait him out, and not jump in recklessly and fall victim to those long legs. Ed got his points from kick attacks, and Luke got them back with well-chosen counterattacks. And the fact that Nathan was shouting “Chop kicks, Ed!” gave Luke a pretty good idea of what was coming next. The match was a close one, and Luke gave Ed his only test of the day, but in the end the victory went to Ed, and we had ourselves another well-deserved bronze. Might be worth-while dropping back down into our category, Luke, so you don’t have to face such tall buggers!
Up next was our resident red tag. Scott rather lazily beat Rob at the Basingstoke tournament, but with headshots being legal in the comp, we felt that Scott could really pull it out of the bag. What we didn’t count on was his opponent. Scott fought brilliantly, and scored some great points, knocking the guy to the floor on a few occasions. But his opponent’s counterattacks were nigh-on unstoppable. Jumping back kicks, 360° round kicks, you name it, the guy pulled them off. A little over half way through the second round the other guy was declared victor with a seven point lead which I think was a little unfair, but I don’t think Scott could argue. It may be a default bronze, but he fought well for it. I don’t think there was too much more he could have done. Good match.
Feliciano was up, the little speed demon himself. I think this is the best performance he’s ever put in, and took his opponent right to the end of the match. It was even all the way through, with both of them pretty evenly matched and scoring good points. But there’s one thing that I think turned the tide. Feliciano took a leaf out of Nathan’s book and did some dirty cheating, delivering a brilliant right hook straight into his opponent’s face. Needless to say he was penalised, and frowned upon by everyone as a dirty fighter, but it was a great punch! I think without that he may have come out on top, but the deducted point cost him greatly, and the other guy won. Bad luck Feliciano. And bronze medal, but maybe next time stick to Taekwondo ;p.
Simon’s first fight was late in the day. I didn’t see it myself, and we haven’t got the videos from Sam’s camera yet, so I have nothing to say except he won. Well done that man. Second of our fighters through to a final.
My second fight came next. The guy was a good few inches taller than me, and heavily bearded. We dubbed him the yeti! I was sceptical. After my first win a had a lot more confidence, but I think I relaxed a little too much. I lost count of the amount of times he kicked me in the head (I did return the favour a couple of times I must add) and his extra reach and power proved too much for a lazy bastard like myself. With all my bumps and bruises, I was half-relieved I didn’t have to go through to the final.
Immediately after I limped over to the other ring to watch Colin. He’d been automatically put through to the semi-final as he was one belt below me, and we had hoped to meet in the final, but that wasn’t going to happen after my defeat. Colin was paired up against another oriental, and the match was pretty even. Colin, we feel, took an early lead. He fought really well and scored a few great points without giving too many away. But after his opponent tried to stop the match for a quick breather, Colin reverted back to his former self and did a bit too much spinning. His opponent managed to steal a few points back, and eventually scraped the win. Another default bronze for the Sillyporeon, but slowly but surely he’s getting there. Next time, Colin, next time you’ll get your first win. You’d better anyway!
Two matches to go. Two finals. Up first was Ed. Ed went out into the first round and battered his opponent all around the ring, scoring loads of points and conceding only one that we saw, and even that I felt was a matter of opinion. After the break, it looked as if fatigue (and the effects of smoking!) set in, and the match became a lot more even. Ed was forced out of the ring a few times, but he was still careful not to give many points away. At the end of the second round Steven had him down as the victor at 6-2, but it would appear the other two corner judges weren’t watching, and the match had to be decided on sudden death. Ed, knackered and looking like he’d just stepped out of the shower, didn’t look to happy about it, but he did us all proud with a kick not even a second into the sudden death and won it. His reserve kicked in and he jumped around like a lunatic, proving his exhaustion had been a farce (yeah right) and he had a gold medal! Whoo!
And so to our final fight. Simon’s final. This one I did see, though we have no video as the battery had run out long before. Simon fought really well, better than I’ve seen him before. He took it to his opponent, but, like most of us, he just allowed a few too many easy points, and was declared loser, but earned us a silver medal.
Needless to say we didn’t win the overall best club plaque. But I think we came fourth which isn’t too bad.
It was nice for the tournament to finish on schedule for once, and we subsequently got underway and headed for home. Spirits were still pretty high in the coach, and Tekken came out once more to provide entertainment and frustration, with Colin serenading us with his snoring. Once back in Portsmouth people gradually left the bus at odd intervals, and the celebratory drink turned out to be just Nathan, Ed, Sam and myself. Simon’s position as Social Secretary is under jeopardy after choosing not to come for a drink. I vote will be held shortly (joke).
So good, day, and good weekend. Loads of bonding, which we all love, loads of medals, and loads of bruises. Congratulations to the entire team, and special thanks to Steven and Master Pat for coaching us, and Nathan and Dan for coming along to support.
MOTM: He was a very strong candidate last tournament, but he simply stole the show this time. Ed, you’re my hero!
DOTD: A lot of us missed out on some good chances. But I think my special mention goes to Colin, still yet to be victorious. Also I quick reminder of Social Sec Simon not coming for a drink. Negligence of duty, I think that is. We’re all very disappointed :p
