After a full night of work due to poor time management; Steve and I had a funky panic and Oz ragged it in to Uni at warp 9 to hit our coursework deadline but we still managed to get to the Union slightly early - and then left late! Shock! The entire journey up sounded like a Eurovision song contest as most of the team are world class singers (Yeah ,right).
We arrived at the Travel Lodge at around 9pm and were greeted by a seemingly confused receptionist (no really. Yes at a Travel Lodge! Hehe) who explained that they could not find the keys for one of our rooms. We decided it might be a good idea to go for dinner at this point so we dumped our kit in the rooms and headed into Leeds. Having not made any reservations we agreed to wait half an hour for a table which led to some time filling to which Social Sex Ben took the initiative and headed straight for the nearest dance arcade machine! We thought it would be a good laugh so we indulged only to find that Ben has far too much spare time on his hands which he has been dedicating to learn to dance on anything and everything with a dance mat and screen, although he was swiftly confronted by Nat (a stronger contender) who decimated his top score! Go Nat! Nando’s was as usual - plenty of hot and spicy chicks. Hot as in full of fine young waitresses and spicy as in the chicken was burning the shit out of my mouth! End of the first night and we all headed back to the ‘Lodge’ to fill out our entry forms, ensure that everyone could tie their belts correctly and squeeze in some training before bed time, however the receptionist didn’t find the fact that we turned the top floor of the ‘Lodge’ into a Taekwondo training centre – I think this was due to the guests downstairs thinking that they were being invaded from above?!
Waking up on Saturday morning was not too difficult but fighting for the shower damn well was! After the initial ruckus which is the Taekwondo team getting ready we decided to get something to eat from the garage across the car park. I don’t know if you have ever been to the services at Wooley Edge on the M1, but they just happen to be the most ridiculously expensive services up North (Not a true fact but I am pretty sure that £2.50 for a sausage roll is up there somewhere). None of us wanted to weigh in heavy so with food in our pockets and our opponents destruction in our hearts we headed off to Leeds Uni.
Upon arrival, we were informed that the categories had changed meaning that there was a greater range in the experience levels that we could expect to fight. Thankfully they balanced it nicely apart from misreading my entry form and placing me in the wrong group. I swiftly informed them however and it was corrected meaning that one category consisted purely of Pompey fighters – all the medals in the category go to us! Bring it on! A second category consisted of five fighters and four of them were from Pompey and, considering that we knocked the other player out in the first round, we took all of the medals for that category too (more later). Weigh in and the vast majority had lost a fair amount of weight meaning that we wouldn’t have to explain to any parents that their child had been sat on by a fat Taekwondo bastard!
Opening the day was a show from Fabian demonstrating a beautiful display of moves put together as one might construct a matchstick model. Unfortunately his show of accuracy and carefully timed power was wasted on the judges as they favour faster movements. Apparently. Shame really but it did secure our first medal of the day and inspired all of us as it was the first time we have seen him performing a pattern, which just happened to look awesome.
The first fight of the day saw the lightweight category consisting of myself, Simon Jell and Colin Ang fighting it out for the ‘Skinny Bastards Gold’. Colin and Simon were up first to fight it out where Colin saw his own demise as he tried to fend off Simon’s unyielding punches – you dirty boxer! Next up Colin and I went blow for blow and I managed to receive a low blow (nasty picture of it floating around somewhere!) and a cracking head shot although Colin reassured me before the fight he could not, in fact, kick at my head height?! Fucking Hustler! However, unfortunately for Colin a few well placed front kicks assured me victory, bloody well fought though mate. The final fight of the category saw Simon ‘I fight like dirty boxer’ (nothing wrong with boxing unless it is in a TKD fight btw) Jell and myself; Adam ‘frontal attack master’ Thomas face off and an aggressive two minutes later saw a draw. Another 30 seconds extra time was added and after another dirty punch I needed a kick to win – which came… and went being disallowed L meaning that Gold went to Simon – Good on him.
The second set of fights saw 5 men battling it out in a true TKD fashion with Chris ‘I am a boxer’ Wright destroying the opposition Uni’s competitor with ease haha. Following was Nathan ‘Six foot five’ Gajewski Vs Kenneth ‘Six foot four’ Robinson which saw a few head shots and a quick resolution with Nathan the victor. Next Ken’s direct kicks and swift moves were simply not enough to keep Ben ‘Swiftfoot’ Causbrook at bay as he passed, sitting ken back down for the final time. A good effort from Ken and some experience under his belt, keep it up mate. Chris back up fighting Ben in the final saw a hefty and definitely excessive punch in the nose as a present from Chris with love. Ben fought back rather heroically though to secure a second Gold for Portsmouth.
TAGB Joe Bruce was in the third category with no other Pompey players in sight. Three in this category meaning a round robin again. Joe fighting as a TKD junky on Prozac was not enough to fight off the first opponent and unfortunately even after upping his dosage he was unvictorious in his second attempt too, interesting fights however with a large amount of his kicks not being counted due to his opponent landing more punches on him than seems healthy. Well fought though in my opinion and definitely a fighter I want to see back in the ring soon.
The last of the students up to fight saw our president Stephen ‘The unbeatable’ Burt displaying some of his impressive talents on two very unlucky and unsuspecting victims. I have seen better from him but he looked extremely comfortable as he dealt out his famous ‘foot-to-face’ tactic on the poor Leeds fighters. Two easy rounds later, Steve secures Pompey yet another gold medal, which I know for a fact has gone to his shrine above the fireplace in his house for all to see. Hehe, nice one Steve.
The final fight of the day saw Fabian ‘I may look big, but I move like a bolt of lightning’ Bong’s return, this time as a 98Kg destruction machine. Fabian’s fight saw him face up to a rather tall chap from Leicester Uni with neon pink hair! Fabian made the fight seem effortless but after two minutes of entertainment (Fabian chose to stop fighting every time his opponent started machine gun punching due to sheer boredom, much to the amusement of all spectating) the corner judges decided it was a draw. An extra 30 seconds was added and hope dwindled as we noticed that the corner judges were clicking for every little tap that touched Fab as opposed to one click per volley! A defeat for Fab saw Portsmouth clock up another well deserved silver medal. Oh well you can’t win ‘em all.
With the tournament coming to an end we all started getting into the party mood in anticipation of the Saturday night piss up with the Leeds team, always very enjoyable loud and messy. A few team photos later we headed to the Leeds Student’s Union guided by the gorgeous Natalie, couple of pints and back to the Lodge. After the inevitable three hours of getting ready to go out (Females in the team too x) we returned to the centre of Leeds for dinner in a Chinese buffet (Gotta love ‘em) with red bull in hand and beer in our bellies (bellies for the men only). Then we ‘proceeded on foot’ to where we were meeting the Leeds team outside of Hi-Fi, an exclusive jazz club apparently but we couldn’t just walk away now – not after the pissing 20 minute walk across town to get there!
After waiting 40 minutes in the cold the other team turned up piece by piece and somehow the first piece included Simon (Not ours) – oh yeah you know what you did! He turned up and instead of helping give out the tickets we were offered he explained to everyone in half a mile radius that we were not in fact Taekwondo fighters, which was news to us. He also added that the tickets should not be given to fake Taekwondo wanna-bees like us! Gee thanks mate.
When we eventually got into the club (Thank you Jenny you are great at what you do honey) we found ourselves a bit disorientated by the music, atmosphere (very relaxed and slightly too formal) and the £3.40 per pint rates (it was around this point that Simon came and apologised). We managed to ease into it however, slightly due to the large amounts of fine ass females which dominate Leeds’ weekend streets, and evidently Hi-Fi in particular (Female to Male ratio: 3-1 ;) So the drink starts flowing and the company was awesome so spirits are high after a day of kicking each other (got to be tried trust me!). A good night all round so thanks to the Leeds team for accommodating us and congratulations are also due to James ‘Brummy’ Hardy for landing himself with an extended kiss with the lovely Liz (Nice one mate, get in there! – sorry Liz) which looks like developing into marriage with baby Brummies /Brums hehe.
The morning after was short and slightly sore for most of us – made even worse for me due to Steve’s master plan of waking me up by arranging a group to hit me repeatedly with any protective gear they had to hand so thanks a fucking bunch guys!
So we all cleared out and much to Steve’s dismay the Lodge’s comfy chairs would not fit in his kit bag meaning that the bugger had to sit on the comfy-as-a-hedgehog-in-my-ass minibus seating like the rest of us. The six hour journey back being the usual boring wind down ride home except for an attempt at learning a game called ghost which provided a great amount of amusement to all as half the bus started arguing about the existence of certain words and how to spell them.
A damn good weekend all round and well done to all who took part for putting in the effort to represent their University in a world renowned sport. A lot of effort from the team but most impressive was the performance of all the first time fighters like Ken, keep it up guys.
Thank to Lee ‘I brush my teeth walking down Leeds high street’ Mason for driving us EVERYWHERE and for putting up with us, you are a driving genius.
MOTM: Goes to Simon Jell for winning a gold medal at his first tournament.
DOTD: Goes to me due to the fact that I must have pissed everyone off at some point over the weekend, be it my shit jokes or equally shit singing and so me putting anyone else here would possible lead to more group beatings via not so soft protective kit.
Medals tally
Fabian ‘I may look big, but I move like a bolt of lightning’ Bong – Silver & Bronze
Stephen ‘The unbeatable’ Burt – Gold
Ben ‘Swiftfoot’ Causbrook – Gold
Simon ‘I fight like a dirty boxer’ Jell – Gold
Adam ‘Frontal attack master’ Thomas – Silver
Chris ‘I am a boxer’ Wright – Silver
Joe ‘Take on the world’ Bruce – Bronze
Nathan ‘Six foot five’ Gajewski – Bronze
Colin ‘Should have worn your nut cup’ Ang - Bronze
Thanks to our long time instructor Fabian for all of your hard work and patience. You will be greatly missed when you head back to Singapore at Christmas.
A Final Thought: Some how on Saturday night just before lights the conversation in my room slipped into that men only not-very-funny-to-women kind of talk, (would you ever pay for sex? And the answer was a big NO!) when Steve hypothesised that at the end of the day all women are metaphorically prostitutes (Wait! Ladies don’t get pissed off it was a HUGE joke, nothing even remotely serious at all). It works thus; we don’t pay for our girlfriends to have sex with us directly but there is a much greater chance of getting ‘belts’ if we buy them stuff. You know ‘stuff’ ie. Shoes and you women know that bit’s true too hehe x. An intriguing thought and so I reasoned that any man, who’s girlfriend cheats on them (Poor bloody guys) Metaphorically becomes a PIMP!!!
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More pics up by thurs.
Adam
