Taekwondo Tournament in Aylesbury - ChungDoKwan Nationals 20/11/05
Fabian's Point of View
What started off as a very early morning start 0550hrs, so we would have loads of time to spare soon turned into a nightmare when we went to pick up Mr Wright who lived down a dead-end street. After spending a stupid amount of time trying to turn the bus around, we rushed about like crazy idiots picking up the leftovers, oops, remaining members of the group, including Mucky Duck Gal and made our way up north to Aylesbury. The trip up was pretty uneventful, save for a few funny bits like Paul getting groped and molested whilst asleep by Laura.
Got to the sports centre with a bit of time to spare, thanks to Carol from Kayaking Club, who drove like a maniac and made me car sick throughout the journey which resulted in me burping every 15 minutes. Anyway, went to get the fighters weighed in and guess what? 2 people were over their category’s allowed weight limit. Bunch of FAT BASTARDS! Therefore, had to come up with lose weight quick schemes, like run with 3 layers on, take a piss and shit and dun come back unless you’re only wearing your boxers etc. Apparently, I hear Dowdy went swimming and took a piss and shit at the same time… who knows?
First up to fight was Mr Ben Causbrook, aka, Social Sex. Mr Causbrook went in fighting like a headless chicken, ie. He threw kicks in almost every direction he could irregardless of whether if it was directed at the opponent, referee, judge or just empty space. After what was like one of the most painful bouts I’d ever had to sit through, I gave up and threw the towel in.
Mr Paul Favill, who went in fighting like a hesitant warrior, waited too much and failed to follow up on many opportunities he created. The match ended in a defeat for him in this final match but I’m sure Mr Favill will be back after gaining the necessary experience from this bout. Next up was Miss Laura Dadd, who seemed more interested in flirting with her opponent than actually hitting her. Result was a defeat in the semi finals thereby clinching the Bronze.
Then we had the honour of witnessing the Fury of The Hamster in action. Miss Lisa Henley charged her opponent like she’d just found a mouse running on her wheel. Her opponent was however no ordinary mouse and managed to fend the hamster paws off herself while running around the cage, kicking sawdust in Lisa’s face and attain the final victory.
Mr Stephen Burt, aka, Mr President made quick work of his opponent with a stunning display of what was also agreed by his opponent’s coach as “some of the best Taekwondo I’ve ever seen by a novice, sure you’re a white belt?” A couple of kicks to the head and body and the match was done with before the 1 st round was even over. Mr Burt then went on to face Mr Michael Dowd, aka, Rowdy Dowdy. So it was 2 Purple blood warriors in the finals then. Mr Burt’s flexibility and experience was no match for Mr Rowdy Dowdy’s sheer determination to win as well as him just being a general nutter. Dowdy charged Burt time and time again, gaining many points despite Mr Burt kicking him in the head. Maniac! End result, Gold for Dowdy and Silver for Burt. Excellent fight though lads!
Mr Charlee, who’s name was declared unpronounceable by the tournament directors, was next. What’s so hard about saying Chatzikonstantinou Efstratios? By the way, they thought he was Irish as well, hahaha. Anyway, Charlee, who’s had a disappointing start to the year did good in this bout. Threw accurate kicks and showed true fighting spirit. After some extremely dodgy refereeing, she took points off him for fouls made by his opponent! WTF? This semi final match ended in a 3-3 draw. They then had to go into sudden death, meaning whoever made the 1 st point wins. Both of them kicked each other at the same time, however, Charlee’s opponent made contact with his left elbow (not a valid target area) while Charlee’s kick hit the chest guard (valid target area). However, the point was given to the opponent and so Charlee had to make do with a Bronze. But nonetheless, keep your head up mate, you did good in that bout and I’d expect to see similar if not better results from you in the near future.
Finally, Mr Arjang Khayyam went into his bout with an opponent who seemed intent on hurting Arj’s foot with his face. After 2 kicks to the face among many others to the body, one of which had Arj’s heel in his mouth, bleah, yuck! The referee gave the match to Mr Khayyam after 48secs declaring a mis-match, nice one dude! His next fight wasn’t so easy, Arj was up against a national squad contender who had cool nerves and extremely good flexibility. Mr Khayyam held his own for the 1 st round but failed to gain enough points in the 2nd round to clinch the gold. Keep up the good work though! Very proud of you.
While I did not compete, I was busy refereeing and one match which amused me pretty much was between the Irish and this London club. The Irish fighter injured his foot during the fight and wanted to stop as he was in too much pain to continue, his coach however was having none of it and literally kicked him in the bum and pushed him back onto the mat shouting, “Stop pretending and get your ass back in there!” I decided to stop the match finally much to the chagrin of his coach who stood there screaming, “You’re a f*cking disgrace, you’re f*ckin’ useless! Dun you f*cking look at me!”
And some of you guys in the club think I’m too harsh on you lot eh? Meow…
Steve's Point of View
5:50am - me, Carol and Fabian met outside the union and it was freezing cold! Everything was good though and we were off by 5:55am to pick up our first victim Chris, who lived on the stupidest road and it took us 15 minutes just to turn the minibus back round after picking him up (I basically told Carol to drive into another car when helping her turn around). No other problems after that though (although I did wake up all Dowdy’s housemates by ringing his doorbell eheh) and so we were soon on our way, the minibus was awful as per (thanks Union), the windscreen was filthy and the lady ‘shi-bus’ (the nickname we gave the minibus, basically s**t bus) struggled at anything that resembled a hill. But everyone was cheerful and looking forward to an exciting day. About 10 minutes later and everyone was asleep, lots of photos were taken by Ben (which will be on the website soon) and without getting lost once we got to the venue in good time (about 9am). Apologises go to Nat for being stuck next to me the whole journey. When we arrived we all weighed in and Arj and Dowdy were both overweight by a couple of kg. One hardcore run and a trip to the sauna later (Dowdy doing jumping jacks in his boxers in the sauna, go on picture it) and the weight’s are sorted. Dowdy also cheekily went for a swim in his boxer shorts, much to the life guard’s approval.
We then went to the local spar where Paul somehow got confused between what a chicken tikka masala is and what a sausage roll is, obviously he’s been kicked in the head way to many times and Lisa/Ben/Nat/Amee showed me how to properly dance like a woman (cos apparently I just slant my head from side to side), which was educational (Ben’s actually really good). On the way back from the spar I fell over cos it was so slippery (due to the frost) and landed on my bum, which hurt! Anyway, so Ben was up straight away in the first fight of the day and lost in an epic battle (well it wasn’t epic but it was a battle), after that we didn’t have another person fighting until 3pm!
At about 2pm I met Joe and Nat in the cafeteria getting what could be called ‘lunch’, which looked like (and probably tasted like) a rat burger. But Joe loved it cos he’s filthy like that.
Later Paul, Lisa and Laura all lost their fights although they did have pretty tough opponents. After them it was me and I won my fight pretty easily, but then straight after had to fight Dowdy (in the rematch from 2 weeks ago) and the rotter beat me although I did get nice headshots on him, muha (good job though to Dowdy, thanks go to Paul for throwing water all over me at the half way break). Next Charlee had a great fight and was unfortunate enough to lose in a very close sudden death 3 rd round. Incredibly Fab was actually happy with Charlee’s performance for the first time in 3 years, so gj Charlee?
Finally the last fight was Arj who put on an awesome performance and wasted his first guy with some awesome headshots and fast kicks, but then lost in the final – but it was a superb match, be sure to download it from the website (www.portsmouthunitkd.co.uk) .
After that we headed home and a few of us went to the Farmhouse for some Steak! (I love steak) which was gorgeous,
Thanks go to Fab (our instructor), Carol (our driver) and all our spectators for coming along.
So till next time
Steve
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